That’s what I tell myself a few times ever since I turned 32 last April. I don’t know, it’s a very different feeling. It’s like I’ve been granted access to a side of me that I’ve not met so much, but it is very refreshing. I notice myself be more mindful than ever, more opinionated, more vocal, more expressive especially when I’m frustrated. I thought this was supposed to when I turned 30? Maybe I’m 2 years late? I’m not complaining, this is quite different for me but it’s a good sign, I think.
I’ve been focusing a lot of my recent times working, helping advance the business agenda in the corporate world, while spending time with family, while also spending quality time with my husband, while we spend time thinking, planning….. spend spend spend, thinking thinking thinking, it’s all very exhausting at this point, huh? They say that’s how it is, adulting, making your way in the world. I’d like to set my own path. So many people asking after we got married, ‘when are you going to have kids?’ It’s been difficult to answer these types of questions almost every time. In this economy?
Anyway, maybe this is just me ranting on a humid evening, maybe this is just the real me, maybe not.
It’s been more than year since my wedding, but I remember it as bright as day.
If you’re thinking I’m gonna get all sentimental and sweety on this, you’re wrong. Well, maybe a little. I didn’t cry though.
The morning started rather sleepily. I slept too late – one of my bridesmaids and my maid of honor stayed in my suite the night before since I had plenty of room. And I opted it that way so they can be me my alarm clock. Imagine being late on my wedding day!
We chatted ’till 2 in the morning, and then sleep.
Woke up very sleepy, obviously since I don’t wake up at 5am on regular days. But this isn’t a regular day, it’s my wedding day. Jon and I always thought of people’s conveniences, so we arranged our hotel room nearest to the church – which was perfect because the hotel was fantastic. Upon waking up, I took a video of the church from my hotel window – sun was still and sleeping, the morning breeze was cold enough to make me shiver, the skies looked majestic in a purple and pink hue, as the sun starts to rise, I started to feel nervous but excited and anxious at the same time.
One of the fundamentals I set upon myself if I ever get married, in this case, that morning of June 14, is that I eat a proper breakfast. Most people would defer, to each their own of course. But I wanted to feel as regular and as pampered on my wedding day no less – in this case, eating a big spread of breakfast by Abaca – one of our favorite brunch and cafe, just down a few floors from my suite. I remember what I ate, a croissant, few pieces of bacon and potato marble, green salad, eggs, soup, few slices of ham, sweets and orange juice. As I finished eating, my make up team had started to arrive and we all chatted quite lovely. The rest of my family and my entourage had started to join us for the preparation.
Jon and I communicated as soon as we woke up – but told each other that we’ll see each other in the church. Boy was I wrong.
The team and I were in the middle of our prep shoots- and boom! Jon and I locked eyes at the elevator door. Everyone was surprised! But we all laughed. It was one you could say, comedic, or poetic or fate. Even on our wedding day. That was a laugh!
I’ve never been a sucker for elaborate flowers, nor colorful ones. I wanted my bouquet to reflect me – simple with a lot of eucalyptus, with a tinge of pink.
I was with my family just completed our family shoot and we were all preparing to go down and head to the church. My mom’s hands were cold, I know she is skittish. My sisters were busy yet smiling. My dad, stable and firm but skittish as well. The car ride was literally 2-3 minutes away, and I was left alone in the wedding car while everyone was inside the church.
I was in deep cramming in my thoughts, my headspace filled with what its, scenarios here and there! But I took a deep breath, and I prayed. Coincidentally, the liturgic songs started playing, “this is it” I muttered to myself. I sang along with the singers as a way to calm my nerves. Whatever moments left remaining of my single life, I dedicated it into prayer. All my life, all the small pockets of sadness and heartache before, He was preparing me all along for this moment, for him, for Jon. This is it.
The next thing I know, I begin to walk from the car and into the church entrance, and I take a peek. I can’t see anything. I begin to walk up and reveal myself. I take a moment. I see everyone’s faces, my family, my friends, and Jon (I didn’t cry! But he absolutely did, I won the bet) I take a moment to seep it all in, being in the church that Jon and I always attended mass in, where I poured my secrets and wishes in, the church where we declared our commitment to marry each other. I see the foliage and greenery, the flowerets on each aisle, and I hear the song that I personally chose – Kodaline – The One while I slowly walk towards the alter. I seep it all in.
After we say our I do’s, we then proceeded to Casino Espanol for our dinner reception. It was a short lovely program with scrumptious food, booze, music, dancing and tears.
Introverted as we were, we didn’t want the night to end.
“We’re married!!” we tell ourselves as we prepare to sleep in my suite. We begin to recap the events and the details of the day, forever etched.
Certain times of my single life, I was never one to shy away from saying that I may not be getting married at all, that it was just a piece of paper and that kind of partnership can flourish (and it can, of course) and that life could continue without that bound. But as life plays one of its jokes on me, I stumble upon meeting Jon.
And the rest of history.
G+J
Full Coordination and Styling: Vangail’s Perfect Union Wedding Host: Jingle Saynes Wedding Reception: Casino Espanol Dress-up Venue: Citadines Baseline Bridal Dress: Eve Navales Ceremony Choir: One Voice Choir Pica-pica: Potato Corner Mobile Bar: CocktailsInACup Photographer:IdolWanderer Photography Videographer: Kalma Films Wedding Souvenirs: Brygg Coffee and Tea Audio Guestbook: AfterTheBeep Wedding Cake: Cybelle’s HMUA for Couple: Jomer Arances HMUA for Entourage: Sam Dela Vega HMUA for Bride’s Fam: Vanessa Alfalfa HMUA for Groom’s Fam: Jhoie Florentino Wedding Invitations: ChicPrints Digital Wedding Invitations: theknot.com/gayjon
“It’s a Sunday night, a night never to be trusted for emotions. So a lot of you guys are gonna head home and either receive texts in the dead of night or actually compose them. That are not going to be fully representative of how you feel for the rest of the day, for the rest of your week. Then you’ll be reaching out, and if you’re not reaching out you’ll have someone else reaching out to you. And your friends, and your brain, and your morals, and your conscience have all trained you not to respond. But I’m gonna go against the grain and I’m going to suggest that the next time you get a message from the one you love, the only person in the world you love and can’t talk to, that you respond. And you just write back. When they ask you if you’re up, and you’re up, and you love ’em, just write back, “yup, come on over.”
Cause life is just too short to keep playing the game. Cause if you really want somebody, you’ll figure it out later. Otherwise, you’ll be laying in bed with a Blackberry on your chest staring at it, doing nothing for the rest of the night, hoping that it goes, “PRRR, PRRR, PRRR.”
4/20/2011
Live in Los Angeles, CA 2011
Speech during performance of “Edge of Desire” – John Mayer
Lights, camera, write 