Remains

Remember, every time you say her name

The minutes pass by slower

My heart erupts and crashes in a million pieces

But you told me, you need not worry, my love

The dancing ghost remains in the past

What it whispers cannot be heard no more

//gg

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If

I miss the moment I get into the office with a hundred applicants waiting.
I miss the smiles I get from the interns who know/don’t know me.
I miss the instant I greet my colleagues with a warm smile.
I miss the cheerful office partner and chatting with random things each morning.

I miss the familiarity
That certain odd office smell

But who would I be if I stayed?

Two pairs of feet

I’m not the mushy-cheesy-feely kind of girl on social media, I don’t post pics of “date nights” or “happy 2nd anniversary” or whatever that’s called. I don’t express my “cute-sy” side or my frustrations on social media when it comes to personal relationships. Never have been, and never planning to. I do, though, have a lot of insights and thoughts, observations and realizations about my romantic relationship. Sounds kinda like an experiment huh? Haha, no. But I’m a curious human being, I try to ask as many questions as I can, and I honestly believe I got this from my grandfather, interviewing almost everyone he could see. But the point is, for the past few days, I’ve realized something.
Being in a romantic relationship with someone involves a certain level of dependency and vulnerability.
I’m not quite sure if that’s the objective term for it, “dependency” but that’s honestly the word I came up with. Thing is, I’ve already started working with another company, a couple of minutes away from the boyf’s office. And I don’t mind not getting to talk to him 24/7 or have all 3 meals in a day with him. All I want is 5-10 mins of catching up, and we’re all good, which is precisely what’s happening now.
It’s a different kind of attachment now since we’re more involved with each other, and not just the “hello how are you, bye see you” thing since we don’t work in the same office anymore and sometimes the mobile signal/internet sucks. Looking at the bigger picture, I realized that opening yourself up to the other person emotionally is hard, in a sense that you would want to share your plans and goals and ambitions and thoughts and fears and hopes and dreams and everything surrounding you — share it with the other person. That’s how crazy it is, if you really think about it. And believe me, I’ve always been the quiet/weird/awkward/semi-sociable type so it’s definitely not a walk in the park! And worse case, what if the other person does not appreciate or understand you? Ah yes, love is very complex yet simple.
So since the boyf has a foot injury, and he can’t walk more than 100 meters, then of course, we have to adjust — no date nights for now, no movie dates, no nightwalks (we walk around the park and talk), no random snack dates for two weeks now. It’s just a different setting when I’m just theorizing it and now that it’s actually happening.
That, I miss.
But of course, relationships aren’t all physical. It also entails understanding and compromise from both your ends *no pun intended*. You can’t be all too selfish because “you’re PMS-ing” and you want some “qtime” with the partner. It just doesn’t work like that.

I know it’s a hard pill to swallow, because even I am having quite the journey here with the two weeks absence. But how about the those couples surviving long distance? Wouldn’t that be fun? That, is an entirely different story. But for now, this is mine.

My take-away from tonight’s soup session with me, myself and I is that – not everything is going to go your way in a relationship. It has to be met in the middle, compromise, give and take. It sounds so cheesy and all, but it’s true.

I hope next week everyone’s feet will be okay.

Siargao Island 2017

Our respective jobs has made us coffee-dependents, email junkies, and nocturnal creatures. Staring at those computer screens all day, answering a gazillion emails, and plainly succumbing to being a corporate slave. But of course, all work and no play makes us cranky and moody, and so the holy threenity (composed of me, my lovely friends Jessa Dungog & Gaila Vivares) decided it’s time to get out of our comfort zone and explore the waves of Siargao 🌊. It was one of the best trips I had so far and I will definitely be going back again! It was also one of the first few trips that I have been on without any family member. So hello to that!!

So to begin, Siargao Island is a tear-drop shaped island in the Philippine Sea situated 800 kilometers southeast of Manila in the province of Surigao del Norte.  Siargao Island is greatly influenced by the winds and currents coming uninterrupted from the Pacific Ocean, intensified by the Mindanao current running westward through the Siargao Strait, which is why I guess the waves are so imminent.

Siargao is also the surfing capital of the Philippines!!!

So to fast forward, we booked a flight to Surigao City from Cebu, and from Surigao, we hopped on a ferry to Siargao Island. We were so giddy and excited and nervous and just all around stoked about the experience. We’ve never been to this place before and we’ve done just a little research about it. We haven’t booked any hotels yet (since most require 3N, 4D stays), so we just wanted to try our luck. We were kinda scared at first because what if there would be no hotels there?!?! Right? But we are fearless nomad princess warriors. So, what could go wrong?

 

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A quick shot at the airport before leaving! @Mactan Airport, Cebu around 8:30AM (L-R Me, Lala, Jessa)
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And touchdown, Surigao Airport!!!!

When we first arrived, we saw that the airport/city was still a bit in maintenance since an earthquake occurred a month ago (we were a little apprehensive if we’d go through our trip, but who could stop these giddy girls right?)

Anyway, when we arrived, we rode a tricycle and had a quick munch in a local carenderia. We didn’t take pictures at this instant because we were s t a r v i n g. Haha, then we rode a small fast craft in the early afternoon en route to the zen island of Siargao! Slept for a few minutes and then woke up to the shaking of the boat (not a boat person, btw) and noticed it was raining. Went back to sleeeeeep. Woke up around 2 and voila! We are here!!!!!!!

Thankfully, there were a lot of resorts around, some are fancy, some affordable. We went around and found the perfect place. Perfect since it was directly the boardwalk outside and we can hear the waves just calling us already. So we booked Keso Resort for 2 nights and rested for 5 minutes to check on our things and take pictures. You know, for their instagram/snapchat. (i uninstalled mine a long time because phone issues). SO! Shall we get to main course? The BEACH!!!

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View outside the room
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i have a funny story about these beds
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veranda slash dining area slash billiard area
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taken around 6am (very sleepy)
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Whistling trees, endless clouds

Ah yes, Wish i could live here…..

We had our activities planned our for our entire stay while we were swimming. No pictures this time. We just enjoyed the beach to ourselves!!!!!!!!!!! PARADISE!

 

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I feel like i own this island! lol
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The famous boardwalk!
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Coconut trees, orange skies
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sexy back?
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some essentials: a small bag for our phones, underwater camera, sunglasses, sunblock were already applied on our faces

 

I feel like listening to all the Aviicii songs already! Hahahaha, after walking around (phone-less and camera-less since we had them charging the room, we just realized how beautiful this place is. And how untouched, how un-commercialized it is. Crossed fingers it will stay that way please.

It’s such a breather not seeing buildings and cars and buses and people wearing those blazers and not to think about work for a short time. It’s definitely a good feeling. Realizing we’re not getting any younger, we talked about our plans in the future, our personal lives and how we want to be remembered by when someone asks us, hey do you know her? Funny how strange and mysterious things happen to us in unexpected ways, we don’t argue, but we go with through it and hope it takes us somewhere beautiful. And here we are. With my friends. On the paradise that we call Siargao! Must come back here the soonest! So after the chitchat, we checked a few places we could have dinner in, and sadly, the thing about Siargao is, since it’s a very secluded area, you’d have to rend a motorcyle/tricycle to go around the area. It was around 6pm and the nearest restaurant we could find was at the nearby resort. We would’ve wanted to try something local. Lesson learned. We also wanted to sleep early since we were exhausted from the trip and from all the squealing and fan girling of the beautiful paradise. Planning to wake up at 5:30am since we booked surfing lessons at 6! Talk about balance, goodluck to me!

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we had individual instructors, each with a “unique” personality
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awkward smiles, ladies!!

Our surfing lessons were at 500/head for an hour and boy, it did not disappoint!!! My friends and I took on the challenge and learned the basics on the shores before wandering off and taking the waves. Damn, it seemed so easy on the sand, but when we were on the sea, it was a bit hard. But that’s for the first 15 minutes (char). I got the hang of it after and surfed like a maniac. But Jess and Lala were the fast-learners for this, clap clap! I was the last to master this. Huhu, is it because of my huge thighs?

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kuya instructors! wacky na dayon
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(L-R Jessa, koya “nice one bebeh”, me, “koya pusong bato”, lala, “koya maui from moana”

They also had an option of someone taking videos and photos of us when we surfed and most of the bloopers we had. I think it was 500 as well. I forgot. Speaking of bloopers! We had a lot of videos. More on that later!

Hurrah! I finally know how to surf. *brags to friends bah! do u know how to surf? i know!!! and then *panics because i have a memory of a clownfish

Anyway, we were famished!!! We ate our scrumptious lovely breakfast prepared by Keso staff. We had the same order because that’s what girlfriends are for, right? Duh.

breakfast – bacon, eggs, toast w butter, fresh tomatoes and coffee

Aaaaand my stomach just made a sound. I’m hungry just by looking at this yummy perfection. *meow

One of the Keso staffed approached us and said that we needed to go since someone already reserved the room for the day?! sorry i was a bit confused about this part because we were a bit frustrated why they didn’t tell us ahead of time. Good thing we paid in half. So, we bid the resort goodbye and transferred to the resort next to it, Boardwalk, a bit more pricey but definitely worth it.

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Boardwalk resort, hello!
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Lunch ng mga titas of cebu
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chicken and fiiish teriyaki yum
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“lala, smile kay picture.” *smiles “picturi pd ko bi.”
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the trees could just go on and on and on and on

Soooooo, to continue our adventure, we rented the koya tricycle that helped us two days ago to accommodate us to our island hopping! It was his banka (boat) and we negotiate to and fro, got a cool rate of 1500/3 islands! It was a bargain and a match made in Siargao. We had the boat and the whole afternoon to ourselves. Awe-some!

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koya tricycle drivier
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me doing the derp because why not
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at the Boardwalk
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asa man jud ang insik, tisay ug morena ani?

I apologize in advance because I forgot the names of the exact islands we were into, but they were (Daku Island, Naked Island and Guam Island). If i get it wrong in the next few photos, please let me know!!!! sorry i have the memory of a clownfish.

 

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nawng bayas duha

One thing I was really thankful about this trip were my company, these two brats. Haha kidding. The trip was a delight because they made it feel like home. They are my friends when I was the happiest and they were with me when I was at my lowest. We got through the grey bits together too. Each one of us has a distinct trait that complements well with our little group, thank God. And by the way, I’m the clumsy-weird one. So, that’s that!!! Let’s get to these islands shall we?

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sees the world through tiny rectangular eyes
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who knows how to swim here? I dont!
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who didn’t get the memo to wear sunglasses for this photo?
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Naked Island!

So, the first island we explored was Naked Island.

NAKED ISLAND. We were wondering, why naked? Do we have to get naked to get in? Is it a nudist beach? noooooooo. Because the damn place is pure sand. PURE SAND. IMAGINE THE PURRFECTION. My photos dont do justice but believe me it’s a slice of paradise. Thank God it was sunny. It was a 15-20min boat ride from the island and we were pointing random islands and asking, “koya is this it? kani? mao ni? taka ka jes! (is this the island? how about that one? or that one? no? jes, stop pointing at random islands that’s not the right one” sorry i had to put it into verbatim because it was funny hahahaha time flies.

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my exotic mermaids from Cebu
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view from the back
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no i was taking a photo of the island, not you

You might a little patch of grass but that’s it. There’s not hut, or cabin, or a tree (but i saw a plant) or anything! It’s bare naked. And there were such a few people there that we just said, to hell with it! and wore our bikinis. In Cebu, I usually don’t do that because we see judgy eyes not far away. But here, who cares?!?!?!?! YOLO right? lol.

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Arriving at Guyam Island!
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can we have more of that awkward poses jes? hahahaa lels
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timed/untimed? life without a tripod sucks
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run away with me, girl

GUYAM ISLAND. Now before we get to our funny story, you might expect a lot from this island before booking or flying out, like fast wifi, or spotless beaches, no crowds – you are wrong. Sometimes the “spotless” beaches you see on social media is fake. So many filters and adjustments, it just kinda disappoints people, don’t do that okay? Which is why, before flying out here, we really told ourselves not to expect too much. Well in fact, we didn’t expect anything. We just wanted to have fun and take time to waste a moment for a while, which made this trip memorable!

Now, on to our funny story. this island was as calm as a peach, there were a few cottages with families playing volleyball and some kids swimming. No sweat, we found a semi-secluded spot where we could just laugh our asses off because we ventured into an island hopping and we don’t know how to swim. Sounds cool, right? YES! So, we dove right in. And guess what? THE WAVES ARE STRONG. Not the kind of strong like lifts you up, but the kind that really washes you away from the shores like it brings you away from it. Not really sure how to explain in (i suck at explaining natural phenomena) but it seems like the waves would just suck you into the ocean and all the sands gets inside all the weird bits in your body. It was so funny. I was holding a 100 peso bill because we heard there was gonna be a fee for the island preservation or something. So all the while, I was holding it up, while we were swimming! Just imagine how funny and hard it was, we were laughing so much we just didnt care! The bill got wet and i just didn’t care anymore. We were having so much fun from the all the crazy-ness. Jessa took a video of it and we will never post the whole thing (with audio) because it would ruin us forever (me mostly because i was hysterical). Good times!!! When we were done swimming, we asked around if there were any fees, and guess what? no feees!!!!! So much for holding it up high, huh? I just put the bill on my lap and let it dry when we were on our way to the third island, Daku.

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hi Daku Island!
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lala going in deeeeep! awoo
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jessa looking for some flyfish
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oh just me, contemplating life underwater

DAKU ISLAND. Not sure why it was called daku but it wasn’t really big. HAHA! A lot of people were there though, we also paid 10-15 pesos each for the fee. A lot of people were there, swimming, dancing, singing their way through life. Whew, why can’t I earn money this way? Life is just better simplified. People insist in making it complicated. We enjoyed the waters and swam a bit deeper because we are brave women!! And there were also rented bancas so that we could just rest our arms when we get tired. It was around 4:30PM when we retreated back to the island and took a catnap.

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surfboards for rent!
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three pairs of happy feet!! *does penguin tap
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can this get any better?

We strolled around the area, bought a few souvenirs for the folks back home (i didnt forget u guys come on) 🙂 This adventure would’ve never been possible without you. Hihihihi. Our trip has almost come to a close, and we were now thinking of coming back here. 3D2N ain’t enough, people. Believe me. So many things to do and sights to see, time flies fast here in Siargao!!!

We also talked to a couple of locals and felt really good that even by the simple livelihood they have here, they are happy people who are just chill and want peace out here.

 

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We would’ve loved to stay here for a couple more daysssss, but our corporate lives have to go on……. but definitely, definitely coming back!!!!

So far this has been, and i have mentioned this to my other friends a million times, one of the best trips of my life, because it was such a beautiful paradise, and I spent quality time with my girlfriends. Need I say more?

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at the break of dawn, see you soon Siargao!
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Surigao Plaza by day!!
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1 Chowfan please!
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Tanned na sila oh
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Bastie’s Cafe

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miming minion from Surigao saying byebye
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endorser ng CebuPac eh

Two hours before our flight, we stayed in the nearby cafe, Basti’s for brunch and coffee before boarding and going back to our surf-less lives in Cebu. Love u Cebu, still!

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Sorry if most of the photos aren’t in great quality, though. Sometimes, our eyes see things more clearly than captured photographs! Hahahaha, just making an excuse here.

But seriously, Siargao is one for the books! A paradise.

Here’s a video-montage of our Siargao stay! Definitely coming back! 🙂 🌊

 

to more adventures and pure fun!

 

Lately

I’ve been making bold career decisions lately,  and it has been such a crazy ride for me. This is my first job, the one I literally panicked for, the one I said, ‘I really wanna stay here and grow.’, the one I visualized myself walking in the lobby being all smug. But what happened?

Life.

It’s hard to pinpoint the exact moment when I just didn’t give a fvck anymore. I’m sorry for the swear word, but it’s true. It’s just always going to be one of the moments when you say to yourself, ‘oh, this moment will pass. This is just one of those weak days.’ A day turns into a week, a week into a month, and after almost two years — 80% of what I learned was because I observe, I read, I listen. My first day was as clear as I remember, me being pushed doing tasks I wasn’t even given training for. But that’s not the point.

When people will read this, they’ll think, ‘oh, she’s just a newbie. She doesn’t know anything about the struggles of working. She’s just being selfish.’ Am I? Well maybe I am. I am, because I know what I am capable of, and I am so much capable of doing much more rather than memorizing the answer keys and giving out exam instructions everyday for the past two years. The. Same. Old. Instructions. For. Almost. Two. Years. I know I sound frustrated, but I guess I have the right to be. Life doesn’t stop for anyone, and as an eager noobie who wants to suck the marrow out of life before it’s too late, yes, I want to explore, and challenge myself to go through hell and back, as long as it’s worth the ride. But now? I don’t even want to get out of bed anymore.

It sucks, because I love the people here. I love working with these active, funny and passionate people. And they are one of the biggest reasons I stayed. I stayed because I want to believe that there is something for me out here, something special, something else, but I guess it’s not enough. It has been one of the toughest weeks of my life, my mind thinking of infinite possibilities of what utter chaos would happen if I choose to leave. But I need to. I need to. I’m done waiting.

People will always leave, that’s just a fact of life. People come, people go.

But wherever we are in this Earth, we will look at the same moon.

Lumière

no matter how many words there are, there will never be enough.

always the telepathic kinds

today marks my 7th year in WordPress, ever grateful and blessed.

life has grown heavier, more stress, added responsibilities, figuring out life and how complex it is, but it has been more real and raw than ever before, people come, people go – some stay, some move on. managing time and sleep and work and food and leisure and relationships – has never been this hard.

but all the while – you never left.
there was you and I,
us

and i wouldn’t have it any other way.

Purple wooden chairs

“I can’t do this anymore. I’m leaving.”

“You can’t do that. Not like that. Not like this.”

He gripped my hand so tight I lost control. The glass shattered into pieces as I made my way.

“If you leave right now…..if you leave, I swear.. I swear, you can’t come back!!” he screamed.

“Then good! All these years I wanted you to say that to me! Right in front of my goddamn face! And finally, you said it.”

“Wait.. you know I don’t mean that…” he slowly made his way to the doorstep, where I was clenching my fist, tears falling, nothing ever changed in this world, except for these tears.

The silence was deafening and the walls grew thin. It was like our breaths were concealed into one giant bubble vacuum. I kept my mouth shut, of course.

I sat down in one of the purple wooden chairs we used to make fun of in the local market, but two weeks later he bought it home.

I sigh. “How did we even get here? Last year, things were wonderful. Everything was as it should be. And this? this fight that we’re having? We could’ve gone out to eat dessert wasting time like this. What happened?” I puzzle myself trying to answer these riddles.

It was the longest one minute of my life.

“I don’t know. Life….life happened. I know I can’t turn back time. But this is it. This is our life. And struggle is part of life. I know you know that. Maybe it’s just not…”

“No… no that’s not it. Everyday we go to work, eat lunch, get dinner and go home everyday for the past year. You may think this is fine, but it isn’t. At least not for me…”

“So what do you want? Do you want fancy dinners? Do you want out of town adventures every weekend? Do you want piggyback rides and red cowboy boots? Is that it? Do you want over the top surprises every god damn night?! Do you want me to get you a blue french horn or an entire…”

“No!! No! I want real! I want real. I want to know how you feel about that poor old man begging in the streets while we’re eating cheap noodles. I want to know what you dreamed of the night your grandma died. I want to know how angry you felt at that cashier by the store because somebody swore at her! I want real. I want real. I want to know how your day went, every detail, every rant, every single one, even the shittiest ones. I don’t want fancy dinners or romantic adventures. I want real. I choose real. Any day.”

……I shut the door behind me that night.