The Cycle


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Is this what we really imagined our life to be? Is this what we thought what would happen after graduation? What if I pursued another job? Another company? Perhaps, another degree?

Everyday we come home to a house where everyone else are sound asleep. And you are engulfed  by the deafening silence. You put your bag down, change your clothes, and lie in bed. “The day is done”, you tell yourself. But your mind runs off somewhere, restless. You might be thinking about work, if you completed all your tasks for the day, and you then think about the work you’d do the next day. It’s all a cycle…..

You wake up the next day feeling tired, but hopeful it’ll all turn around. Thing is, we always lift ourselves up whenever we worry about something. We distract ourselves with the fact that this is work, this is our job, this is what we’re supposed to do. We are young, and free. We don’t have to worry about the future, at least not yet. We push ourselves to exert so much effort into our job, our hearts and souls — because an identity crisis at 22 isn’t enough to wreck us. And sometimes, at the end of the day, that’s just not enough.

You have to carry your own sunshine in this gloomy world. There will be times that it will be pouring, everything will go against you, everything will walk out on you, and you will feel emptier than you’ve ever been, because we have been looking forward to this moment — freedom. In today’s industry, our jobs will eat us like maggots — spits us out leaving us weary. But this is it, this is the struggle. This is how we live our life, in that struggle comes our determination and persistence. Success never came easy for anyone. Coming home late almost every night will leave you questioning if everything’s worth it — the late nights, the overtime work, going the extra mile (whatever the hell that means), going beyond what is expected of you. Is that all worth it?

I may not be able to answer this question for you. I, myself, am dealing with conflicts above and beyond my control which is something always normal for me, I guess. Last week, our senior director told us something that struck me, not because of the fact that I was surprised, but how she relayed the immense truth of success — sacrifice. She told us that every step of the ladder up requires sacrifice in some way, maybe sleep, leisure, time, whatever. And in that moment, I realized how simple and complicated success is. Everyday I always ask myself if this is worth the heartache and stress because let’s face it, there will be always be job vacancies whatever and wherever they may be. Question is, if you’re willing to stick with it for a while.

This week has been a horrifying five days for me. (Actually, six — i went to the office on a saturday) The work load and pressure was making me crazy. And people noticed. My friends bought me donuts and chocolates to make me feel better. I semi ugly-cried in the restaurant alone one time. I always had moments of weakness, but then I move on and do the work given. I was always like that. I guess, at the end of the day, between the routinely dinners and the long commute home, I think about all the people I’ve helped get a job, that I am somehow made an impact to their lives and the fact that they will now be able to provide for their families and alleviate in whatever situation they’re in. That is good enough for me.

Whatever struggle we’re facing, makes us human. This is the beauty of life, and in every struggle there will be pain and heartache, but there will also be joy and triumph. And you must be willing to experience both to achieve something beautiful.

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